The Ultimate Guide to Parenting — Part 3

In April, we began a series of articles based on living Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body as explained in his document Familiaris Consortio. This series focuses on the tasks of the family as discussed in his writings, focusing specifically on how to live the Theology of the Body within your family.  Last month, we discussed the first task of the family, “Forming a Community of Persons.” This month we will discuss the second task of the family, according to John Paul the Great, “Serving Life.”

Serving Life

John Paul II entreats, “the true practice of conjugal love, and the whole meaning of the family life which results from it, have this aim: that the couple be ready with stout hearts to cooperate with the love of the Creator and the Savior, who through them will enlarge and enrich His own family day by day.” ¹ The conjugal life of husband and wife, if they give and receive the other totally as Christ loves the Church, would naturally bear the fruit of children.  If husband and wife form a true community of persons (the first task), imaging God in their daily lives, particularly their conjugal life, then the second task, “serving life”, is the result of the natural course of the first.  This community of persons would naturally grow, bringing little ones into the fold of the loving community.

One of the main obstacles to forming a true communion of persons is the use of contraceptives.  John Paul the II is absolutely clear when speaking about the unitive and procreative meanings of the conjugal act when he warns, “When couples, by means of recourse to contraception, separate these two meanings that God the Creator has inscribed … in the dynamism of their sexual communion, they act as “arbiters” of the divine plan, and they “manipulate” and degrade human sexuality—and with it themselves and their married partner—by altering its value of “total” self-giving. Thus, the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other.” ² It is no small decision whether or not to contracept.  To use contraception is to turn inward on ourselves putting our own sexual pleasure above the good of the other. Using contraception degrades our likeness to the trinitarian God. This is why the Catechism states, “every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible” is intrinsically evil.” ³

Under this task of “serving life,” John Paul II has a lot to say about the education of children.  He affirms that parents have a “solemn obligation to educate their offspring.”⁴  We have heard many times that “parents must be acknowledged as the first and foremost educators of their children” and John Paul II adds, “Their role as educators is so decisive that scarcely anything can compensate for their failure in it.” This task of educating our children, while it can be shared, “is irreplaceable and inalienable and therefore incapable of being entirely delegated to others or usurped by others.” ⁵

John Paul II specifically addresses education in sexuality when he says “faced with a culture that largely reduces human sexuality to the level of something commonplace, since it interprets and lives it in a reductive and impoverished way by linking it solely with the body and with selfish pleasure, the educational service of parents must aim firmly at a training in the area of sex that is truly and fully personal: for sexuality is an arrangement of the whole person-body, … the church is firmly opposed to an often widespread form of imparting sex information disassociated from moral principles.”⁶ We cannot continue sending our children to Faith Formation Class, or Catholic Schools, and while keeping silent about issues of sexuality and Christian Anthropology and without any lived faith at home, expecting them to live the faith when they become adults, particularly in the area of sexual morality.  Our effort is vital. Failure is not an option.

How do we “serve life” in our families?

Be not afraid — Be not afraid to do what the church is asking you to do!  If you don’t understand the why behind a moral law, look it up, read, pray and sit with the Lord reflecting on what you have read. 

Teach your children the faith.  Some of that teaching is certainly book knowledge, but the majority of what we teach our children is in our actions.  When our children are worried about something, we teach them to rely on God when we turn to prayer with them.  I made a point of doing this. Each time one of my children would come to me with a worry, I would quote Padre Pio and advise, “Pray don’t worry, worry is useless, God is merciful and will hear your prayer” and then we would pray together about their worry.  Then, one day as we were driving, I expressed that I was worried about something.  Without missing a beat, my daughter repeated the quote and prayed with me.  Children learn by our actions. Children are our great imitators.

Apologize and ask your children for forgiveness when appropriate. When we, as parents, have done something wrong, it’s a mighty lesson to them when we apologize and ask for their forgiveness.  It shows that we recognize our own faults and that we value our relationship with them enough to admit those faults and seek forgiveness.  Going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation is a powerful witness as well. Go and take your children with you.

Tell the truth. It may seem like no big deal to lie about small things. However, when we tell the truth, even when it seems like no big deal and especially when lying would make things so much easier or convenient, we show them that telling the truth is important and that we can do things that are hard. When your children witness this, they know they can rely on you to be honest with them too. When they witness you lying, a seed is planted, and they may not believe you when much more complex situations arise.

Have the conversation.  We all have been in a spot where we have heard the Lord prompting us to have a meaningful conversation with our children, but for some reason, we don’t want to.  Maybe it’s awkward because they have done something that they don’t think you know about.  Maybe they are listening to music that proclaims a distorted vision of love or of the human person.  Or maybe you noticed that they were being incredibly kind to a friend or sibling, but you feel the prompting when they come in your room when you are already in bed and exhausted. We have to listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, take a deep breath and have the conversation at the opportune time. 

“Serving life” is a vital task for us as parents.  Life is truly a generous gift from a loving Father. Let’s witnesses to the world lives that radiate true Joy as we “discover the beauty and grandeur of the vocation to love and the service of life.” ⁷

Written by, Kathleen Cory,
Sales, Training & Implementation Specialist — South

(Article 3 in a series of 5 articles leading up to our fall ’25 banquet themed, Family as the School of Love.)

1. Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World Gaudium et spes, 50 as quoted in Familiaris Consortio 28
2. Familiaris Consortio 32
3. CCC 2370
4. Familiaris Consortio 36
5. Ibid
6. Familiaris Consortio 37
7. Familiaris Consortio 1