The Ultimate Guide to Parenting — Part 2

Last month, we began a series of articles based on living Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body as is extrapolated in his document Familiaris Consortio. This series will focus on the tasks of the family as discussed in this profound work, focusing specifically on how to live the Theology of the Body in your family.  The first task of the family that we will break open is “Forming a Community of Persons.”

Forming a Community of Persons

John Paul II says in his Theology of the Body “Man becomes an image of God not so much in the moment of solitude as in the moment of communion.”¹ This is precisely what we are called to in the first task.  “[The family’s] first task is to live with fidelity the reality of communion in a constant effort to develop an authentic community of persons.”² We are called to build, day by day, a community that at its core is love, in the image and likeness of our Triune God. John Paul II calls us to make “the family a school of deeper humanity.”³ How do we form a community of persons, and how do we preserve it?  We form a community of persons with care and love for the little ones, the sick, the aged” with “mutual service every day”, with the “sharing of goods, of joys and of sorrows.”⁴

Put Your Spouse First

John Paul II emphasizes the importance of the relationship between husband and wife as the first relationship. What does that look like?  Well, it depends a lot on your family situation.  It doesn’t look the same for everyone.  It doesn’t mean that you have to go out to a fancy restaurant once a week and pay a babysitter.  But, in our own ways, we have to carve out time and attention for our spouse.  When we had young children, my husband and I got into some pretty bad habits of falling into bed exhausted after getting kids to bed every weeknight. On the weekends, he would do a project that needed to be done, and I would try to entertain the kids and complete the housework.  So, the weekends for me were about the same as the weekdays, except we went to church.  We had no time dedicated to one another.  There is nothing wrong with getting tasks done around the house on the weekends.  However, we cannot make that our sole focus and expect to have a good relationship with our spouse.  Now, although my husband and I do spend time on projects on the weekends, we also have time for each other.  Most weekday evenings when we are finsihed with work, we sit and have a conversation about our day, we talk about important things coming up, and listen to each other’s ups and downs. On the weekends we have more time in the evenings to spend time together or go out on occasion.  It’s really nothing spectacular, except it is.  It’s so important to have time together, to have conversations, to listen to the other.  We certainly have our disagreements, but the time we have spent listening and sharing with the other gives us a foundation of understanding, love and mercy that allows us to deal with those disagreements in a way that leads to reconciliation.

 What could this look like in your home?  Some ideas are: (Note, these are my ideas, not JPII’s)

1. Each day when you are reunited after a day of work, find a way to give your spouse your full attention for just a few minutes.  If you have small children, it may look like joining your spouse in the room where the children are playing and listening to the other. As they get older, it may mean sitting on the couch for 10 minutes and hearing the day’s highlights. As your children watch you make time for eachother, they are taught the importance and beauty of the relationship between husband and wife. They also can learn patience as they wait their turn to have time with the parent who has just arrived home after a day of work.
2. Have a “date night” each week. This may seem impossible, but if you think outside the box, you can do it even with strained budgets and little time.  You could get the kids to bed on a Friday night and sit on the back porch with your spouse and have a conversation, play a card game or listen to some of your favorite songs.
3. Support each other in your parenting.  As parents of teenagers know, a united front is essential!  Hopefully you and your spouse agree on how to handle the most difficult of decisions.  However, even if you don’t, you must talk about the issues your family is facing and make decisions.  It’s very important that when a difficult decision has to be made, you pray about it together and then as you live with the consequences of those decisions, you support each other in the difficulty.  Your witness to your children, especially in hard times, is a powerful teacher.

A.R.E. You There for Me?

Secondly, building a community of persons means that we are available, responsive and emotionally engaged with the other.  Ruah Woods Institute’s Director of Psychological Services Dr. Andrew Sodergren offers this advice for creating an environment where our children feel loved and welcomed by their parents.  This climate encourages children to bring their problems and questions to their parents because they know they will be heard. A.R.E. stands for:

1. Available
2. Responsive
3. Emotionally engaged

For me, that means that when another human person is in my presence, I am not on my phone.  There are certainly times I have to answer a text or take a call, but when we are in the kitchen hanging out or in the car headed somewhere together, I’m not scrolling Facebook or playing a game on my phone.  I’m listening to the other, even allowing silence. This silence gives space for new conversations, lets the other know that their presence is important and welcomed, even if they aren’t saying anything.  Now that I have a grandchild, the importance of being present is highlighted by his need for my attention.  He is 3 and wants all of my attention and expresses his dissatisfaction quite openly by saying “Baka, (that’s grandma in Croatian) you aren’t playing properly.”

Building a community of persons is hard, but very important work.  John Paul II said “The family is a school of Love”⁵ We are teaching our children what love is.  If we want to teach them the truth of Love Himself, we must take seriously our call to form a community of persons, imaging God in our communion and therefore fulfilling our call to be “a true shrine of life and love.”⁶

Written by, Kathleen Cory,
Sales & Implementation Specialist — South

(Article 2 in a series of 5 articles leading up to our fall ’25 banquet themed, Family as the School of Love.)

¹ Prayer of St. John Paul II for families
² TOB 9:3 
³ Familiaris Consortio 18
⁴Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World Gaudium et spes, 52, FC 21
⁵ Familiaris Consortio 21
⁶ADDRESS OF POPE JOHN PAUL II TO THE INTERNATIONAL UNION OF SCHÖNSTATT FAMILIES Thursday, 20 January 2005